| New LJ Created |
[Feb. 18th, 2007|08:02 am] |
blightaga is the name.
I will be adding people once this essay is done
/yaaaawn |
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| LJ |
[Feb. 17th, 2007|11:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Not home << | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | MOO | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rhapsody-Emerald Sword | ] |
New LJ coming soon.
:P |
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| March 9th |
[Feb. 11th, 2007|01:50 pm] |
Let's get something out in the open right now. Spring break runs from the 5th of March to the 9th. That means I'm there from the 2nd(3rd) to the 11th.
This calls for a celebration. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2006|03:12 am] |
WAIT! Estop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate implications, so you know what? If you got somethig to say about me, something that you hate or have been wanting to say, just say it here.
Btw, I'm sick of your subtle posts. And no Ale, I don't mean you :o |
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| LOOK I'M EMO |
[Jan. 5th, 2006|12:55 pm] |
It's been more than 3 months since I've even looked at this.
Nothing has changed.
I'm still Angel..John...San Martin? O.o
But yet, everything does change..
Go die in a fire.
That is all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2005|11:40 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | fsu | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  woooo | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Discordia | ] |
BLAIR STONE!!!!
BUCK LAKE!!
More on that later... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2005|04:11 am] |
What do you want me to say? The final cut was dealt, and no, it was not by my hands.
The request was granted, as the last one.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2005|01:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The War is Over | ] |
*shrug* |
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| Complaint after complaint |
[Aug. 9th, 2005|12:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  O.o | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Metropolis | ] |
People. Each and every one of you. You fail in what you want to succeed in and only accomplish what you dread. Complete. Outrage.
I've lost it all, or did I? You made my bleak reality a wild illusion. You offered more to my life than I ever had. Hope, the source of all that is great. Happiness, something that was rediscovered. But now...lost? WHERE ARE YOU NOW!? Seeing how you progress from 9th to 12th grade isn't enough. Call me greedy. Go ahead. Yes. Greedy. But how can I be the only greedy one? Time after time you have threatened to what you just said! Time after time you devastated me. Yet I still hold strong. For hope, that small glimmer of hope that you will come back. And now, again?! But how many times can a person blindly believe in that? Are you that easter bunny after all? No, I say. You never will be. For this, I cry.
You out of all people know what sacrafices I have made and will make. You finally accepted what was to be for the moment. Yet now you back off and destroy that link. Gone, just like that? I will follow that same attitude and say "good-bye", behind this computer screen. What, would you want me to have said no to your question? Chances are, it was going to happen, whether it be a few days or a few years. Who could have not seen it? Chance is surely beyond us. But why, why? Did I do the same to you? No. Why must you create a double standard?
Don't make me prove myself to you. I'll go great lengths. You know that. I have before... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2005|11:59 pm] |
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Mely, I love you. You rock. And now we are halfway there. Happy B-day <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|05:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  <_<< | ] |
I know, I know. It's been forever. I contemplated just stopping, but eh, I guess not.
The point is, I hate this summer. Everything is decaying. I dunno what to say to people anymore. I don't know what to do.
I've been a terrible friend.
I've knoen this.
Only one thing to do...but I can't do it until next Saturday.
Vacation calls. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|07:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Celestial-POD | ] |
For years upon years I have lived with the wraith trailing my path. It's been a part of me. My second I. The me that is unknown to all. It's the one that comes out when I become scared of heights or panics when the lights suddenly go out in the house. The one you see cry. You have only witnessed, never understood. No one can. No one will. It's the reason why I've been who I am. Coldhearted, uncaring, reluctant, unbearable at times. Indifferent. Greedy. Bipolar? Call me whatever you want. Label, stereotype me as you see fit. I have kept this under wraps longer than anyone has known me. If you feel that something was missing in me, some sort of..weakness..unwillingness..some sort of explanation for my behavior, this is it.
I have no father.
Better yet, I had the shell of him. Only the wrapper that had the label as father on it. Nothing more.
Let him peer at this from Heaven. No one can deny this. It's truly heart-wrenching having no one to turn to in times of need. My only hope told me but one thing: "Deal with it." So I did. "Keep your head up. Don't look back. Believe in yourself." I did.
During the years of 13 through 16: My options were leaving me. My hope was waning. My mom and I couldn't live without him. So I disassociated myself. No friends to turn to, not mother to talk to, no family to run to. Where did that leave me? Alone. My solution? Live two lives. It worked. Even when I told myself I was through with that stage, I secretly stayed with the cover.
Last year: After he died I've held within me what Ive always wanted to say. Now that's forever gone. Soon enough, I was caught up with the wrong crowd. I stopped caring. Then I realized I was going to turn into him and I forced myself that give up that part of me. All that stayed in me was that one saying: "Keep your head high."
This month: Failure marked me. Then again, it marks us all. I dreaded coming home. Everything with my mother was a fight. But I dealt with it, as she told me. It was what I could do. "Be strong. Do it for your mom." Then all that pain was released at once. This is what's left of me. One small blip. Only a diminuitive piece of me has stayed unscathed. I struggle to keep it that way.
Is this just another person's "boohoo, feel bad for me story"? Think as you wish. I come with this to realize my faults and to try to give as much of me as possible to the observant and caring eye. I laugh your laughs and play your games. This explains my slow sulking and growing bitterness. I am sorry. Please forgive a weak and lost person. I only wish the best for those around me. Now you see. This is me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|07:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mantra | ] |
Okay so I find out, after all my confidence and shit, that I got a D on my Calc final. yeeey. What does that mean? I only have 3 points. I need a D yet I only have an F. And 6 response questions to go. W00t. This is my life. All my four years of struggle down to this. I might not need the class but I'm sure as hell taking it. And a D or an F is unacceptable. I would rather cut myself than that. And I mean that with no jest within me. Sure, I'm hard on myself. Everyone is in something. They have to be. So here I am, studying for calc and whatnot. Bah, fuck this. |
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| Gradnite |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|06:50 pm] |
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Gradnite. Good times. Went dancing. Foam party rocked. Not much to say. Ask me if ya want. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 10th, 2005|05:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
fatboy13OO: yup
Sexy Muffin Man2: they give you not even the light of day
Sexy Muffin Man2: no, hey whats wrong?
fatboy13OO: mhmm
Sexy Muffin Man2: no
Sexy Muffin Man2: its always
Sexy Muffin Man2: FUCK YOU
Sexy Muffin Man2: or im not gonna be your friend cause you dont talk to me
fatboy13OO: i dont really have problems with friends its more just life in general
Sexy Muffin Man2: have they even fuckin bothered to ask WHAT MAY BE THE MATTER WITH ME?!
Sexy Muffin Man2: -_-
fatboy13OO: :-\
fatboy13OO: people know when not to talk to me
fatboy13OO: cause when im pissed the world pretty much gets filtered out
Sexy Muffin Man2: =/
Sexy Muffin Man2: none of this whole understanding thing works
fatboy13OO: nope
Sexy Muffin Man2: or compassion
fatboy13OO: sometimes it feels like ur the only sane person in the world
Sexy Muffin Man2: its not that
Sexy Muffin Man2: its just that no one sees what you're really going thru and what you hafta do
Sexy Muffin Man2: making it nearly impossible for people to understand
fatboy13OO: yeah
"fatboy13OO: people dont make an effort to understand" |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 10th, 2005|04:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dropkick Murphys-Walk Away | ] |
An update?
Went somewhere on Friday. ^______________________^ I passed out on her bed and she decided to be cool and to take a picture of me and post it online. kthx Aly.
Saturda=lazy at home and stuff.
And today I get to do my psych work. Hooray?
That's how my life is nowadays. Boring except for those few times ;) |
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| :D |
[Apr. 3rd, 2005|11:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ;D | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dark Days-Coal Chamber | ] |
Yesterday was le pwn. Best day in a looong time
4/2/05 marks that special day <3 |
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| OMG |
[Apr. 1st, 2005|02:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | In Pain | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
Holy shit..I lost my wisdom....teeth. Yep, all 4. I'm in horrid pain. I cant sleep, eat, talk, smile, ANYTHING!
My dentist said my teeth were worse than usual. They are supposed to grow straight. The upper ones had no problems. The bottom ones...le pain.
Lets use math. Lets use the base line as |. I am basing my measurement on the crown or top part of tooth.
My right wisdom tooth, instead of being around 15 or so degrees, was around 80 degrees, give or take a few degrees. Basically like this _. Not pretty at all. My left one was about 50 degrees tilted. It was insane. Twas a bloodbath. And..they freakin pulled my bottom ones in pieces...MANY pieces. The sound is tooth cracking is disgusting.
Well, thats about it. I'm gonna be pretty moody today with this everlasting pain. =/ |
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